Golden Rule | Do unto others (what they want)

We are all familiar with the golden rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. This is a universal principle that guides us to treat others with respect, kindness, and compassion. But is it enough? Does it always work? What if we have different preferences, needs, and values than others? What if what we want is not what they want?

In this blog post, I will explore a different perspective on the golden rule: “Do unto others what they want”. This is based on the idea that we should not assume that others want the same things as we do, but rather listen to them, understand them, and respect their choices. By doing so, we can create more meaningful and harmonious relationships with others, and also learn more about ourselves.

The limitations of the golden rule

The golden rule is a good starting point for ethical behavior, but it has some limitations. One of them is that it can be self-centered. It assumes that we know what is best for others, and that our preferences are universal. But this is not always the case. People have different personalities, cultures, backgrounds, beliefs, and goals. What makes us happy may not make others happy. What we consider respectful may be offensive to others. What we value may be irrelevant to others.

For example, imagine that you are a vegetarian and you invite your friend over for dinner. You prepare a delicious salad and tofu dish, thinking that your friend will enjoy it as much as you do. But when your friend arrives, you find out that he is allergic to soy and hates vegetables. He would have preferred a steak and potatoes, but he did not tell you because he did not want to hurt your feelings. You both end up feeling awkward and unhappy. You followed the golden rule, but you did not do what your friend wanted.

Another limitation of the golden rule is that it can be passive. It implies that we should wait for others to treat us the way we want to be treated, and then reciprocate. But this can lead to frustration and resentment. Sometimes, others may not know what we want, or may not care. Sometimes, we may have to ask for what we want, or even demand it. Sometimes, we may have to set boundaries and say no to what we don’t want. We cannot expect others to read our minds, or to fulfill our needs automatically.

For example, imagine that you are a busy student and you have a lot of assignments to do. You hope that your roommate will be quiet and respectful, and let you study in peace. But your roommate is a party animal and he invites his friends over for a loud and messy night. He thinks that you will join them and have fun, because that is what he would want. You feel angry and stressed, but you do not say anything because you do not want to be rude. You follow the golden rule, but you do not get what you want.

The benefits of doing unto others what they want

Doing unto others what they want is a different way of applying the golden rule. It means that we should not project our own desires onto others, but rather ask them, listen to them, and respect their wishes. By doing so, we can create more positive and satisfying interactions with others, and also grow as individuals.

Some of the benefits of doing unto others what they want are:

It shows that we care about others and their well-being. We acknowledge that they are unique and valuable, and that they have their own opinions and preferences. We do not impose our own agenda on them, but rather support them in achieving their goals.

It builds trust and rapport with others. We demonstrate that we are attentive and responsive to their needs and feelings. We do not judge them or criticize them, but rather accept them and appreciate them. We do not manipulate them or take advantage of them, but rather cooperate with them and help them.

It enhances our communication and understanding with others. We learn to ask questions and listen actively to their answers. We do not assume or guess what they want, but rather clarify and confirm it. We do not argue or disagree with them, but rather empathize and compromise with them.

It enriches our perspective and knowledge of ourselves and the world. We expose ourselves to different viewpoints and experiences, and learn from them. We do not limit ourselves to our own comfort zone, but rather challenge ourselves and try new things. We do not repeat the same patterns, but rather adapt and change.

How to do unto others what they want

Doing unto others what they want is not always easy, but it is possible and rewarding. Here are some tips on how to do it:

Be curious and open-minded. Do not assume that you know what others want, or that they want the same things as you do. Ask them questions and listen to their answers. Try to understand their perspective and their reasons. Be willing to learn from them and to try new things.

Be respectful and compassionate. Do not judge or criticize others for their choices, or force them to do what you want. Respect their autonomy and their dignity. Be kind and supportive of their needs and feelings. Be honest and sincere with them, and expect the same from them.

Be flexible and adaptable. Do not insist on your own way, or expect others to conform to your standards. Be open to compromise and negotiation. Be ready to adjust your plans and your expectations. Be creative and resourceful in finding solutions that work for both of you.

Be assertive and confident. Do not neglect or sacrifice your own wants, or let others take advantage of you. Express your opinions and preferences clearly and politely. Ask for what you want, and say no to what you don’t want. Set boundaries and limits, and respect those of others.

Conclusion

Doing unto others what they want is a new perspective on the golden rule that can help us create better relationships with others, and also with ourselves. It is based on the idea that we should not assume that others want the same things as we do, but rather listen to them, understand them, and respect their choices. By doing so, we can show that we care, build trust, enhance communication, and enrich our perspective. It is not always easy, but it is possible and rewarding.