I recently saw this article about a trend in dating when men ask for a refund from the first date when they do not see a return on their investment. It happens when after going out the first time and the woman does not like to pursue it any longer. This makes the man ask for a refund, about her share, of what was spent during the first date.
You can read the article from the link below:
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/complete-shock-dating-trend-sees-103000157.html
Since this is maybe a trend and may not be acceptable to most, there would be a lot of questions circulating about this. Some are as follows:
- How to avoid men who ask for refund on their first date
- How to deal with a man who asks refund on after their first date
- Why do mean ask for refunds after their first date
- What to say to a man that asks for a refund after the first date
- Is it rude to ask for a refund after the first date
I will try to answer the last one and take it further to my topic today which is discussing financial goals with your spouse. While this topic has been going around the internet, there are still some who feel awkward having this topic opened up with their respective partners.
However, there are benefits to doing so. And having a clear understanding as to the reason may lead to a more happy life.
Is it rude to ask for a refund after the first date
Yeah. Could be. It may be rude. It has always been expected for men to take care of the women. Since the hunter-gatherer time of our ancestors, the men who are physically strong are seen to be the ones protecting and providing for the women and the family. Placing that context in the dating scene could be very demeaning to the person’s masculinity.
But wait. Women are able to work now. Women can do what men can do. They do no need a man to provide. They can enter any profession, any line of work, anything that was previously offered to men only. So in this context, if it is all about the money, how could it be rude to ask for a refund?
Well, personally, I think it is, especially if it is the man who asked the woman for a date. Financially, if things do not work out, that is a cost and loss. There is no need to recover what was spent. That is just absurd.
Return on investment
Absurd. Yeah. Women are not commodities. It is not something you spend on to get something. If that is how the dating world works then, the very purpose of dating, which is to find a person you like and willing to spend your whole life with, is lost.
Or maybe, look at it in a way that with many dates, you’ll eventually find the one and the cost you have spent is worth it to finally be with the one you will spend eternity with.
I think for women, just ignore. Whoever asks for a refund is not worth it. But also, please don’t play games. If you do not really like the person, and just want to experience something and have someone else pay for it, please do not. This may have been the very trigger point for asking for a refund. Because there are those who are not serious and just want to either hurt or get something out of it for free.
Dating to partnership
Now, while this refund on investment from the first date may seem a bad thing, it made me think how open those in a relationship are to each other about their financial situation and goals. The very notion of asking for a refund may have stemmed from the financial situation of the man.
Once the dating stages are over and both people enter into marriage, it is a totally different ballgame. Everything is shared. Everything must be known. Everything must be discussed. Why? Both are building a life together and if secrets are kept, trust will fade. Well, except for a few lovely surprises. We can keep that a secret still.
And mostly, this is about money. So, how do you talk to your spouse about money problems, situations and goals?
Make it known
I am the sole breadwinner of my family. My wife was supposed to work after college but with our newborn son, she decided to be a stay-at-home wife to take care of him. It was a struggle at first but we manage to pull it off.
She knew how much I was earning. Together, we listed down how much should we be spending on things. We budgeted. No penny unturned. Everything was laid out. We knew where the money would go and where it went. We both are very meticulous in our spending.
We started the talk when my salary got delayed and we had nothing to eat. We had to wait for the money to be deposited into my account. That moment was a realization for us that we need to better manage our finances. Together, we created a plan, and followed it down to the last centavo. This took us to where we are now. We have investments. We have emergency funds. And we can still enjoy life without any worrying about where to get money for food on the table.
How to have a financial discussion with your spouse
Most of us breadwinners are afraid to admit the struggles we have in terms of providing for our family. We do not realize that we are not alone in the fight and our spouses could help us overcome it.
How to talk to your spouse about money problems? The only way is to muster the strength to say how much are you earning and how much are you currently spending. Lay it out in numbers and if needed say what you feel. If you feel you are struggling to make ends meet, say it. If your spouse truly loves you, he or she will help you solve it.
You must also discuss your financials goals with your spouse. What are you aiming for? What are you trying to achieve? How financially stable do you want to be? These are some questions that both partners need to discuss to live a more peaceful and happy life. By doing so, both walk the path to overcome any financial struggles that come their way.
Hold each others’ hand
Unlike dating when you are still trying to get to know each other, in marriage, most of what you need to know has already been told to you by your spouse. However, during the relationship, the communication must not stop. Each other must say what is bothering them even if it is not about money. Having this type of open communication without judgment, with support from each other, and without asking for anything in return, will help create a better life together.
For us those who are married, and those who are about to enter one, let us put our trust in our partners to hold our hands in our journey. At the same time, we should always be by their side whatever comes their way. Our financial struggles can only be resolved together. Let us face life together with our partners.
