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MY EXPERIENCE | MY EXPERTISE

Tag: family

  • Lie | Right or Wrong For Me or You

    Lie | Right or Wrong For Me or You

    Lie. Is it right or wrong? I met this person once and he said that as long as they are happy, he is not doing anything wrong. He also said that as long as the other person doesn’t know, he is not lying. What you don’t know won’t hurt you, right? Or is it?

    This guy is notorious for cheating on his wife. From the very first time I met him, I had heard stories about him. I had seen him in action. He flirts. I saw him coming to work early and going home late just to do his stuff. And all of these he hid from his wife. Well, eventually, it was discovered but that didn’t stop him. He still has been doing it.

    The pretend story

    He was very secretive. But he is proud of his affairs. He even brought flowers to the office to give to his mistress. He even says goodbye to us saying they are leaving. One time, he bought another of her so-called girlfriend a cabinet. I think he is somehow telling her that they can live their own life.

    But who is he really lying to? The people around him or himself? How does living a double life work? I imagine being a different person between being away at work and being with his family.

    Telling an entirely different story from the truth or intentionally holding back something is lying. You have to create a story that will flawlessly tie things up when you get asked. It requires so much effort, time and money just to keep the lie going.

    Truth can set you free. Cliche? Yes, but being free is all about doing what you need and want to do. Whatever you want to do, with truth with it, you can move freely, tell your stories as is, and never think of anything else.

    Right or wrong

    He said that what is right for him can be wrong for me and vice versa. What is right for me can be wrong for him. Well, if the world goes like that, how do we proceed as human beings. He said that his wife is happy. He keeps her happy by not telling her the truth. By lying, he protects her from the pain he is causing her. That is what is right for him. Of course, you will totally disagree. That is totally wrong.

    Though it made me think about what he said between right and wrong. We all have our conceive notion of what is what. This is our own belief. We value this and we live our lives through this dogma. However, if we come to think of it, if we all have our own perception and understanding what is right and wrong, there will always be conflicts. Which, as a matter of fact, there is. So then again, he may be right at that point. We are left to our own devices.

    However, that does not justify lying. Concealing the truth, telling a different story, or even keeping some truth is still lying. In his case, his being unfaithful because he enjoys the feeling of being wanted by someone else lifts up his ego and pride. Thinking that he can get whoever gives him so much confidence even though it hurts his family.

    It’s super important to dig into the nitty-gritty of human behavior and psychology to really get why people do the things they do. The mix of feelings, ego, and wanting validation can push folks to make choices that have a big impact on themselves and everyone around them. Wanting to feel wanted and valued can be a huge driving force, leading to decisions that might not line up with what society expects or what we believe in.

    These actions have a massive impact on relationships and families. The fallout from cheating affects everyone involved, causing a lot of emotional pain, breaking trust, and damaging family bonds in a big way. The clash between personal desires and family duties brings up some serious ethical and moral questions, showing how tricky it is to balance our own happiness with the well-being of our loved ones.

    As we navigate the complexity of human relationships and moral challenges, it’s crucial to remember that every person has value, while also realizing the weight of our choices and how they affect others. Getting to the root of these behaviors gives us a chance to reflect, empathize, and understand, ultimately guiding us toward growth, kindness, and making ethical decisions.

    Admitting or Stopping Requires Courage

    Be honest to yourself. Admit what you want and go for it. You’ll hurt people. Yes. But, what is it that you truly want? If you don’t go for it and keep doing it behind people’s backs that you end up hurting them, who are you kidding? To the guy, I’ve mentioned above, he needs to figure out what he wants between being a father and a husband and someone who can’t let go of his younger years when sex is the only thing that matters.

    The aftermath of lying is a total mess. It’s not just about fessing up and stopping the lies; it’s about dealing with all the fallout. The urge to just forget the truth and move on, even though it hurts like crazy, creates a deep crack that’s hard to fix. This crack leads to doubts that mess with every future decision and action, making it hard to trust yourself. Lying messes up the foundation of trust in relationships, so rebuilding it feels like climbing a mountain. The leftovers of the lie stick around, constantly reminding you of the broken trust and how fragile the truth can be.

    It’s super important to think about how our actions affect others. Before making decisions, take some time to really think about what it all means. By making sure our actions are honest, we keep things real with the people around us. This kind of thinking goes beyond just us and helps create a community that’s all about being truthful and taking responsibility. When we really think about our choices, we make a place where truth and being genuine are what really matters.

  • What is your priority?

    What is your priority?

    The key is to schedule your priority and stick to it.

    Most of the time, we tend to juggle multiple things at the same time. May it be in our personal lives or careers, simultaneous things happen around us. We struggle with what to do first and we tend to do the easier ones or the ones that recently come our way.

    What I’ve learned in my career and in my personal life is that we can only do so much. We can’t do everything. We need to prioritize. And that’s easier said than done. Prioritize. You’ll hear this often from your boss when you start missing deadlines. The real question is not how you prioritize but what is your priority.

    How do you strike a balance between your priorities?

    What is your priority? Knowing that would help you attend to things in your life first. For example, we keep saying that our family is our priority. Well, is it really?

    When you are in a virtual meeting at home and your daughter approaches you and asks to be carried to her bed, what do you do? Do you brush her off or excuse yourself from the meeting? How about having lunch with your family and suddenly your boss calls you or texts you, do you answer right there and then or spend that time with your loved ones?

    When you are done identifying your priority, that’s the only time you can move to how to prioritize and it all boils down to scheduling. In the current virtual world where almost everyone is online, scheduling plays a vital role as your commitments to different people must be attended to without any conflicts.

    If you have scheduled that lunch with your family, just do that. Nothing else. If you are working on your shift, do that. Nothing else. With the list of things you need to do, schedule which ones must be done first and do just that. Nothing else.

    Commit to it

    I’ve seen people mixing things up. Some would be working by replying to emails or texts while spending time with families. Some would not be able to start working on time because they wanted to spend more time with their loved ones. This is okay. If this is your priority, go live your life. Be happy. But keep in mind, we all have commitments to other people, and if that is not met at the time they are expecting it, then we are just telling and showing them that they are not our priorities.

    Prioritization: The Art of Choosing Wisely

    In our fast-paced lives, it’s common to feel overwhelmed by the sheer number of tasks and responsibilities we face. Whether it’s work-related projects, family obligations, or personal goals, we often find ourselves juggling multiple things simultaneously. So, how do we navigate this complex landscape and make informed choices?

    Identify Your True Priorities

    Take a moment to reflect on what truly matters to you. Is it your family, career, health, personal growth, or something else? Knowing your priorities is the first step. Consider how each of these areas contributes to your overall well-being and happiness. For instance, if family is your priority, consider how you allocate your time when faced with conflicting demands and make conscious decisions that align with your values and long-term goals.

      The Virtual Meeting Dilemma

      Imagine you’re in a virtual meeting at home, and your daughter asks to be carried to her bed. What do you do? Prioritizing means recognizing that family comes first. Excuse yourself from the meeting briefly to attend to your child. Your colleagues will understand.

        Scheduled Commitments

        Scheduling plays a crucial role in managing priorities. When you allocate time for specific tasks, stick to that commitment. If you’ve scheduled lunch with your family, focus solely on that. If it’s work time, dedicate yourself to work without distractions.

          Avoid Mixing Tasks

          Resist the temptation to multitask excessively. While it’s okay to handle minor tasks simultaneously, avoid major conflicts. For example, don’t reply to work emails during family time. Similarly, don’t let personal matters interfere with work deadlines.

            Communication Matters

            Communicate your priorities to those around you. Let your family know when you’re in work mode and vice versa. When you commit to something, honor it. Consistency builds trust and shows that you value others’ time.

            Mindset Shift

            Embrace the mindset that you can’t do everything. Accept your limitations and focus on what truly matters. Remember, saying “no” to certain tasks or requests is essential for maintaining balance.

                  In summary, prioritize consciously, commit fully, and communicate transparently. By doing so, you’ll align your actions with your true priorities and build stronger relationships both at work and in your personal life.

                  Mastering prioritization is akin to navigating a bustling marketplace. Imagine yourself at a vibrant bazaar, surrounded by colorful stalls, each selling a different commodity. Your time, energy, and focus are your currency, and the choices you make determine the quality of your life’s tapestry.

                  Identifying Priorities: The Compass of Purpose

                  Before diving into prioritization techniques, pause and recalibrate your compass. What truly matters to you? Consider your life’s overarching themes—the grand tapestry you’re weaving. Is it family, career, health, creativity, or personal growth? Acknowledge that priorities evolve; what mattered yesterday may not hold the same weight today. Be honest with yourself, for self-awareness is the cornerstone of effective prioritization.

                  The Art of Prioritization: Unpacking the Toolbox

                  Now, let’s unpack the toolbox of prioritization techniques:

                  • The Eisenhower Matrix: Imagine General Dwight D. Eisenhower, juggling wartime decisions. He categorized tasks into four quadrants:
                    • Urgent and Important: These are your non-negotiables—the deadlines, crises, and health emergencies. Handle them promptly.
                    • Important but Not Urgent: Here lies the fertile ground for growth. Long-term projects, relationship-building, and skill development reside here. Allocate time consistently.
                    • Urgent but Not Important: Beware the deceptive sirens of busyness. Emails, notifications, and minor fires clamor for attention. Delegate or minimize these distractions.
                    • Neither Urgent nor Important: The Bermuda Triangle of wasted time. Avoid it. Say no graciously to invitations that don’t align with your priorities.
                  • The MoSCoW Method: Inspired by Moscow’s rapid transformations, this method categorizes tasks:
                    • Must-Have: Non-negotiable essentials.
                    • Should-Have: Important but flexible.
                    • Could-Have: Desirable, but not critical.
                    • Won’t-Have (for now): Discard or defer.
                  • The 2-Minute Rule: If a task takes less than two minutes, do it immediately. Clear the mental clutter swiftly.

                  Effective Scheduling: The Dance of Commitments

                  Scheduling is our choreography—a dance of commitments. Here’s how to waltz gracefully:

                  • Digital Calendars: Your partner in time management. Block out chunks for focused work, meetings, and self-care. Color-code for clarity.
                  • Buffer Zones: Life’s traffic jams are inevitable. Create buffer zones—time cushions—for unexpected delays.
                  • Say No with Grace: Politely decline invitations that don’t align with your priorities. Remember, every ‘yes’ is a ‘no’ to something else.
                  • Batching: Group similar tasks. Respond to emails in batches, tackle creative work during your peak hours, and batch errands.

                  Remember, prioritization isn’t about rigid rules; it’s a symphony of choices. Be agile, adjusting as life’s tempo changes. And as you weave your tapestry, balance ambition with humility. The grandest masterpieces emerge from deliberate strokes, not frantic scribbles.

                1. Live within your means | Save some

                  Live within your means | Save some

                  Live within your means is something we have heard of a lot. But what does it really mean? And how could it really help us without sacrificing how we enjoy life now?

                  How do you spend your money?

                  What things do you buy from it? How satisfied are you with how much money that you have now? Is it enough? Do you still need more? Is money really evil?

                  He started working in a BPO company way back in 2004. For those of you who doesn’t know what a BPO company is, it is a contact center where customer service representatives, or agents, answer or make calls, and reply to emails or chats, of customers. BPO stands for Business Process Outsourcing.

                  He started as an agent. He made sales calls to potential customers. He answered calls from existing customers about account information. He troubleshoots on the phone any desktop or laptop issues a customer has.

                  The pay was okay. He was able to support his wife and son back then. They rented a small apartment which is about 5 minutes walk from his office. They were able to spend weekends in the mall. They were okay.

                  But they are just okay. Meaning, that his salary was all spent for the entire 15 days, and needs to wait for the next salary to get credited so he could continue to support his family. And then, one day, the salary was delayed due to bank issues. They had no food. No cash on hand. Nothing. He had to look for his collection of old foreign currency bills and had it exchanged for local peso which was a meager Php100.

                  The guy in this story is me. We never had money before. It was a struggle. It was very difficult. We can’t go out with friends when we want to. We can’t go to any restaurants or have any vacation from our own pockets.

                  Everything changed when I moved to a different company. The money was good. We had more than enough of what we needed.

                  But, we kept the memory of that day alive – seeing my son with nothing to eat because the salary wasn’t there yet.

                  Remembering that day helped us get to where we are now.

                  The following is what my wife and I did:

                  • We worked out our budget slowly adjusting to instead of having money enough for 15 days, we made it 20 days, 25 days then one month. This way we don’t have to wait. We have a specific amount per day that we can only spend.
                  • We didn’t change our cost of living for a while. We stuck to our budget as our priority is to be liquid – to always have cash on hand.
                  • We started investment. At first, I purchased a variable life insurance.
                  • Next, I went into stocks. It was difficult at first as I kept losing money but then I learned the peso-cost averaging so I did that instead.
                  • Our budget remained the same with an annual increase of 5% for inflation.
                  • We continued managing our budget from 30 days to 60 days to 90 days. This means that we maintained 3 months’ worth of living expenses as savings.
                  • We eventually stabilized and now doing 20% investments to various assets, 70% budget for our monthly expenses, and 10% to savings.

                  I will tell you that it was really difficult at the start. Everything in life is difficult at the start but, if you don’t start moving now, nothing will happen.

                  Don’t spend everything.

                  This is what “living below your means” means. It is not depriving yourself. It is just about not spending it all and putting some to savings and/or investments. Life is meant to be enjoyed. But not to the point that you suffer financially after enjoying that meal from the restaurant.

                  A lot of us will say that they don’t have enough. Or they are paying loans. Or supporting their families. All good. Pay that loan. Don’t start a new one until that is done. Not enough money? Go find another work or if you have the drive, start a business. Too much expenses at home, well, that’s a different experience and expertise that I will discuss next time.

                  Just don’t spend everything. Save some.

                  Living below your means is a financial strategy that involves spending less money than you earn. It’s about creating a buffer between your expenses and your income, ensuring that you have funds left over to save and invest. This approach is not about self-deprivation; rather, it’s about making conscious choices to secure your financial future while still enjoying life’s pleasures.

                  Understanding “Living Below Your Means”

                  The concept of living below your means is often misunderstood. It’s not about cutting out all of life’s joys or living a minimalist lifestyle (unless that’s your preference). It’s about balance and making informed decisions. For instance, enjoying a meal at a restaurant is perfectly fine, but it should not lead to financial distress. The key is moderation and planning. If you know you have a dinner planned, you might save up for it in advance or cut back on other non-essential expenses to accommodate this treat.

                  The Reality of Financial Constraints

                  Many people feel trapped by their financial obligations, whether it’s due to insufficient income, loans, or family responsibilities. These are valid concerns, but they shouldn’t be excuses for not saving. If you’re dealing with loans, focus on paying them off without incurring new debt. If your income isn’t enough, consider looking for additional work or, if you’re entrepreneurial, starting a small business. High household expenses can be overwhelming, but they also present an opportunity to audit your spending and find areas to cut back.

                  Strategies for Saving

                  Saving money requires a strategic approach. Here are some methods to help you save more effectively:

                  • Budgeting: Create a detailed budget that tracks all your income and expenses. This will help you identify where you can reduce spending.
                  • Emergency Fund: Aim to build an emergency fund that covers 3-6 months of living expenses. This fund can protect you from unexpected financial shocks.
                  • Automated Savings: Set up automatic transfers to your savings account. This “out of sight, out of mind” approach can help you build savings without feeling the pinch.
                  • Investing: Consider investing a portion of your savings to grow your wealth over time. Even small, consistent investments can compound into significant sums.
                  • Cutting Costs: Look for ways to reduce your regular expenses. This might include negotiating bills, eliminating subscriptions you don’t use, or shopping for better insurance rates.

                  The Importance of Mindset

                  Adopting a mindset of financial prudence is crucial. It’s about prioritizing your long-term financial health over short-term gratification. This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy life; it simply means making choices that align with your financial goals. For example, instead of buying a new car, you might opt for a reliable used one and invest the difference. It’s these small decisions that can lead to substantial savings over time.

                  Conclusion

                  Living below your means is a sustainable financial practice that can lead to a more secure and stress-free life. It’s about being mindful of your spending, saving diligently, and investing wisely. By adopting this approach, you can enjoy life’s pleasures without compromising your financial well-being. Remember, it’s not about spending nothing; it’s about spending smartly and saving consistently.

                2. BALANCE

                  BALANCE

                  Work-life balance. What’s your definition?

                  Does it mean spending time equally between work and your personal life?

                  Does it mean not doing work when you are not on shift?

                  Does it mean spending time with your loved ones just as much as you spend time at work? How about time for yourself? Is it part of it?

                  The President/CEO of my previous company spends all his waking hours working.

                  One of my previous bosses works during the weekends.

                  A friend of mine spends most of her time with friends at work instead of her family.

                  And someone else, somewhere, we don’t know what he or she is spending his or her time for.

                  To me, work-life balance is a very misunderstood concept. It says balance which means equally distributed. Equal amount of weights. Equal amount of importance. Equal amount of attention. Equal amount of time.

                  Most of us thinks that there is no work-life balance because we always work, work, work. Do overtime because there are a lot of things we need to do.

                  Some even do weekends just to complete their tasks.

                  But, keep in mind, that wherever we allocate our time, whatever things we do with our time, those are the things we consider important in the present moment.

                  If you rather work longer hours, because that’s what you are inclined to do, go ahead.

                  If you rather watch Netflix, go ahead. Up to you.

                  If you rather go out with your friends, go ahead. Just save two bottles for me. 

                  There is no such thing as work-life balance. There are just priorities.

                  Before, when I was a customer service representative up to the time that I became RTA supervisor, I spent most of my time working and going out with friends from work. That’s what I like. That’s my priority, that time.

                  And in effect, I created long-lasting relationships with people. They had been my mentors and we are still in contact up to this day (that was 15 years ago!). And I have progressed very well in my career thanks to them.

                  But, what did I lose? The time I could have spent with my wife, and my son, and save up for our future. We went into a very dark spiral 15 years ago and I almost lost them.

                  Because they were not my priority.

                  So, think. What is your priority? I know someone from our team who has family as priority and finding the right amount of time to spend at work and at home. (Nice!)

                  Things you can do

                  • Don’t aim for balance. You’ll just get stressed out thinking you have not given enough time to different aspects of your lives.
                  • Set a goal. Very clear goal may it be your career, your finances, your family, up to you. What do you want to achieve?
                  • Identify what you need to do. Create the steps you need to do to get there. Baby steps will really go a long way.

                  When you identify your goal…

                  When you identify your goal and have a clear understanding of what you want to achieve, you set a compelling direction for your life. This sense of purpose can provide motivation and guidance as you navigate through the ups and downs of your journey.

                  When you have identified your priorities…

                  After identifying your priorities, you can effectively allocate your time, energy, and resources. This deliberate focus allows you to concentrate on the aspects of your life that matter most to you, fostering a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction.

                  When you know what steps you need to take… Then, you have created a real balance in your life.

                  When you know what steps you need to take to move towards your aspirations, you empower yourself with the tools for achievement. Each action you take becomes purposeful and contributes to the realization of your ambitions.

                  Then, you have created a real balance in your life. By aligning your actions with your goals and priorities, you cultivate a harmonious equilibrium that nurtures your well-being and sustains your progress.

                  Work-life balance is indeed a complex and often misunderstood concept. It’s not simply about spending an equal amount of time on work and personal life or avoiding work outside of specific hours. It encompasses a multitude of factors, including the allocation of time to loved ones, the pursuit of personal interests, and the maintenance of physical and mental well-being. It’s about identifying and prioritizing what truly matters to us at a particular phase in our lives.

                  It’s not uncommon for many of us to feel overwhelmed by work demands, leading to overtime and even working during weekends. In some cases, this may stem from a genuine inclination towards work, while in others, it could be driven by external pressures. Regardless of the reasons, our allocation of time and the activities we engage in reflect our present priorities. You emphasized that whatever we choose to do with our time signifies its importance at the moment, whether it’s investing extra hours at work, unwinding with a Netflix binge, or enjoying social outings.

                  Your personal reflection on your own journey from being a customer service representative to an RTA supervisor underscores the impact of your priorities on your relationships and career progression. You gained valuable mentorship and lasting connections through spending time with colleagues, yet it came at the expense of valuable time with your family. This introspective realization serves as a poignant reminder of the profound effects of our choices and priorities on our personal and professional spheres.

                  Ultimately, work-life balance should not be viewed as an elusive state of equilibrium to be achieved. Instead, it calls for introspection and deliberate prioritization. Your advice to refrain from pursuing balance in itself but rather focusing on clear goals, identifying priorities, and outlining actionable steps aligns with the notion of creating a meaningful and personalized balance in life. This approach enables individuals to channel their efforts toward what truly matters to them, be it career advancement, financial stability, family time, or personal pursuits. By aligning actions with identified priorities and goals, individuals can cultivate a sense of fulfillment and purpose, thereby nurturing a genuine balance in their lives.